“That I may know Him [Jesus], and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being made conformable unto His death…” Philippians 3:10 (KJV)

“Rhonda.” Only a few times have I heard God in what seemed an audible voice. He certainly had my attention! As I continued in His presence, I received at last a revelation I desperately needed to begin my journey to healing.

The gaping wound in my soul was three years old at that time. After more than two decades of fruitful service in one local church, a great lie had been told that destroyed my husband’s ministry. Forced to move, stripped of ministerial credentials, rejected by friends and colleagues, the shame and reproach were nearly unbearable. It was especially heartbreaking because there was no truth to the rumors… and because we still desperately loved those who were being deceived. Our good reputation was destroyed.

I struggled with grief and loneliness, but also with their companions–anger, bitterness, and desire for revenge. I had spent hours sobbing in the presence of God, asking for His help in understanding what to me was incomprehensible.

The day I heard my name, I also heard the answer. God challenged me with what the Apostle Paul wrote in the verse above and invited me to share in the fellowship of Christ’s sufferings.

Jesus was rejected. So was I. Jesus was driven out of town by those who sought His destruction. So was I. Jesus was subjected to cruel lies, betrayed by a dear friend, and crucified even though He was innocent. I had not yet been subjected to physical death, but spiritually and emotionally I felt dead.

What I believed was merely the cruelty of man was actually an invitation to know Christ in a more intimate way. I began to think, “So, Jesus, this is how You felt when You were betrayed… I’m so sorry You had to endure this.” Heightening my revelation was the deep sorrow I felt when I realized He endured it all for my sake. It was hard to focus as much on the sins committed against me when I acknowledged that my own sins had caused Jesus to become so familiar with suffering.

Slowly, God began to redeem my suffering, transforming it into a way to be in closer fellowship with Jesus. Every time the pain surfaced, I began to praise God for allowing me to understand in a very small measure the magnificent sacrifice Jesus made when He was willing to bear my sins. I repented of anger and bitterness, and I learned how to be thankful even for these circumstances. I began to receive God’s healing and truly forgive the people who had wronged me.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, I confess that it is hard to accept troubles I feel I don’t deserve. Help me to receive suffering as a way to enter into closer fellowship with You. Amen.